Look, I Know These Rick Perry Jokes

Nasa Is Developing Space Taxis To Shuttle Astronauts To The International Space Station. And Just Like New York Taxis, They're All Going To Be Driven By Aliens.

I'm So Excited. Jay Leno Is On The Show Tonight. He Brought Some Really Funny Jokes And Some Great Stories. Although I'm A Little Concerned He Also Brought His Old Desk And Kevin Eubanks. I Just Want Jay To Be Comfortable, But Not Too Comfortable.

One Of The Candidates At The Early Gop Debate, George Pataki, Said His Routine Before Every Debate Is To Drink A Diet Lemon Snapple Iced Tea And Pray. Which Is Also The Advice Chris Christie Gets From His Doctor.

On Tuesday, Utah Candidate Mia Love Became The First Black Republican Woman Elected To Congress. She's Also A Mormon. Yeah, A Black Female Republican Mormon. Even Unicorns Are Saying, 'not Buyin' It.'

Ted Cruz Raised Over A Million Dollars After Announcing That He's Running For President. Which Is Why Today Radioshack Announced That It Is Also Running For President.