Look At All The Minorities Around Here!

I Spend Enough Time Onscreen Looking Hangdog And Depressed.

I Just Always Loved Comedy And I Really Wanted To Be Good At It. And It Was Heartbreaking, 'cause I Started And I Wasn't Good At It. I Was Only 17-years-old, So I Had A Lot To Learn About Life In General. But I Just Kept On Trying. I Was Young Enough And Stupid Enough And I Had No Other Choice. I Had Nothing Else I Was Good At.

I'm A Good Citizen. I'm A Good Father. I Recycle And I Masturbate.

One Thing I Learned From Drinking Is That If You Ever Go Christmas Caroling, You Should Go With A Group Of People. And Also Go In Mid-december.

You Know What Our Number One Threat Is? Heart Disease.