Last Halloween I Ran Out Of Candy

Everybody Is Wondering What Paris Hilton Will Be Doing Next, And Hell, I'm Wondering What She Did Before.

Hillary Has Now Erased All Of Her Emails, And She Also Had All Of Her Pantsuits Dry Cleaned.

St. Patrick's Day Is The Fourth Biggest Drinking Day In America. It's Not The Biggest. It's Right Behind New Year's Eve, Fourth Of July, Or Any Secret Service Party.

Everyone Has A Purpose In Life. Perhaps Yours Is Watching Television.

I Have Talents Aplenty. Unfortunately, Precious Few Of Them Have Any Redeeming Social Value.