Joe Biden Went To Brazil In An

Police In Texas Arrested A Man Who Was Using The Alias 'barack Obama' While Trying To Steal Money From 35 Atms. They Could Tell Something Was Up When A Guy Named Barack Obama Was Trying To Take Money From Banks Instead Of Giving It To Them.

A New Survey Out Says 64 Percent Of Americans Own A Smartphone. Which Is Interesting Because In A Related Survey, 100 Percent Of Smart Phones Say They Own An American.

I Think You Just Look For The Person You Have The Most Fun With. And That's Enough. You Realize, "wait, I Can Just Keep Having Fun With Her Forever?" Yes, You Can Do That. That Is The Key.

Hillary Clinton Wrote An Op-ed For A Paper In Iowa About Her Plans To Help The Middle Class. Middle-class Americans Said, 'why Didn't You Just Say That In A Speech?' And She Said, 'because I Charge $200,000 For A Speech.'

Jim Gilmore Was The Only Gop Candidate Not Invited To The Republican Debates Tonight, But I Saw That He Actually Planned To Live-tweet It. When He Heard That, Jeb Bush Was Like 'can I Do That? I Don't Want To Be Here!'