Japan Is Really Advanced. They Don't Go

A Landlord Is Showing A Couple Around An Apartment. The Husband Looks Up And Says, 'wait A Minute. This Apartment Doesn't Have A Ceiling.' The Landlord Answers, 'that's Ok. The People Upstairs Don't Walk Around That Much.'

I Always Feel That Most Political Jokes, If You're Going To Do Them, You Have To Do Them Within The Next Five Minutes, Or Else They're Outdated. By The Time You've Got It To The Point That It's Strong, It Would Be 12 Years Old.

I Was The Class Podiatrist. I Never Made It To Class Clown. I Wasn't Funny Enough. I Would Examine Feet And Prescribe And Ointment. It Was A Sad Childhood.

I'm A Very Anti-vacation Person. Because I'm Always Getting On Planes For Work, To Me, A Vacation Is When I Don't Have To Get On A Plane.

The Joy Of The Roasts Is To Watch People Get Hurt And Offended, And Then Have To Laugh To Pretend They're A Good Sport.