I've Never Seen A Homeless Guy With

When I Was In Seventh Grade, I Was Caught Stealing Money From The Visiting Team's Locker Room During A Basketball Game. So I Was Sent To The Brothers. That's What They Called This Parochial School Up In Goshen, New York. I Was Supposed To Get Closer Supervision There And More "masculine Influence," Whatever That Means. But I Was Thrown Out For Telling A Couple Of Really Lame Kids On The Playground That I Had Heroin.

I'm In Favor Of Personal Growth As Long As It Doesn't Include Malignant Tumors.

One Of The Effects It [cocaine] Had On My Personality - My Moods, My Behaviors - Was That It Inhibited Me A Lot. It Kind Of Took Possibilities Out Of My World, And Made The Focus Of Things Very Narrow.

The Owner Of A Florida Massage Parlor Has Been Arrested By Police. "there Weren't Any Serious Violations," Said The Officers, "she Just Rubbed Us The Wrong Way."

People Have Material Needs, But You Don't Need A Deodorant For Every Different Day Of The Week. You Don't Need Four Hundred Varieties Of Mustard. This Is What I Call Too Many Choices. There Are Too Many Choices In America.