I've Found That My Humor Goes Over

You Know How Many Stunning Women Told Me They Can't Stand A Good-looking Man? ... Women Feel Secure With An Ugly Guy Because A Man In Bad Shape Isn't Gonna Cheat.

The Main Problem With The Democrats Is Their Utter Negativity. They're Made Up Of Schumucks And Hypocrites. They Also Have Higher Levels Of Immorality.

I Don't Believe That Anybody Has Come To A Conclusion On Why Something Is Funny. It's Funny Because It's Ridiculous And It's Ridiculous For Different Reasons At Different Times.

I Always Thought Music Was More Important Than Sex—then I Thought If I Don't Hear A Concert For A Year-and-a-half It Doesn't Bother Me.

America Is The Only Country In The World Where You Can Burn The Flag But Can't Tear The Tag Off The Mattress.