I've Eaten Things That Didn't Complain This

Most Of The Women Placed In The Fire Department Here In New York Never Passed The Physical Test. And A Fat Guy Or A Short Guy, Or Anybody Not Passing The Test In A Life-or-death Job, Leads To Friction.

George Carlin Was Great Right Up To The End Of His Life. But Richard Pryor Was Probably The Best, Most Gifted Stand-up Comedian Who Will Ever Live.

I Love To Smoke. I Smoke Seven Thousand Packs A Day!

Anybody Who's Done Standup Will Tell You That There's Nothing Like It. The Show Starts At 8:00, The Curtain Goes Up And There's Nobody Else Except You And The Audience, And You Just Perform For Them For Two Hours. Nobody Yells, 'cut!' There Are No Retakes. That Is Still The Most Exciting Medium For Me, And I Love It.

I'd Love To Play In A Red Sox Game. It Would Be So Awesome To Actually Walk Out On The Field And Play, Just For One Inning. I'd Also Steal Everything I Could Get My Hands On In The Clubhouse, Which Is Why They Won't Let Me Do It.