I've Been Married Forty-five Years. I Think

Marriage And Fatherhood Heighten The Disillusion That We All Think We Are Born Handy. We Confidently Believe That We Can Fix Things Around The House, As If It's Part Of The Collective Brain That Was Further Enhanced By Eighth-grade Shop Class.

It's Getting Harder And Harder To Differentiate Between Schizophrenics And People Talking On A Cell Phone. It Still Brings Me Up Short To Walk By Somebody Who Appears To Be Talking To Themselves.

You Do A Clean Show And It's Over And The Audience Have Enjoyed Themselves And You've Enjoyed Yourself, And You Haven't Had To Resort To Shock.

I Was Influenced By Every Comedian I Ever Saw Work. That's The Only Way You Learn How To Do It.

The Reason I'm A Psychologist Is Based In Part On My Telephone Routines. Much Of My Humor Comes Out Of Reaction To What Other People Are Saying. A Psychologist Is A Man Who Listens, Who Is Sympathetic.