It's That Time Of Year Again, April

Mitt Romney, Who Is On Record Saying That He Would Not Waste Money Going After Bin Laden, And On Record Saying He Would Not Violate Pakistan's Border To Get Bin Laden, This Week Said, 'of Course I Would Have Gotten Bin Laden.' Even His Etch-a-sketch Went, Seriously?

Americans Are Desperately, Here On The West Coast, Buying Up And Hoarding Iodine Pills... Isn't It Great That In A Land That Is Divided Between Conservative Morons And Liberal Pussies, Somehow We Have Managed To Find A Way To Pull Together And Behave Like Moronic Pussies?

I Want You Teabaggers Out There To Understand One Thing: While You Idolize The Founding Fathers And Dress Up Like Them, And Smell Like Them, I Think It's Pretty Clear That The Founding Fathers Would Have Hated Your Guts. And What's More, You Would've Hated Them. They Were Everything You Despise. They Studied Science, Read Plato, Hung Out In Paris And Thought The Bible Was Mostly Bulls**t.

I Couldn't Run For Any Office. I Think That Religion Is Bad, Weed Is Good, And Babies Are Disgusting; Who Would Vote For Me?

If You Believe Jesus Ever Had A Good Word For War Or Torture Or Tax Cuts For The Rich, Or Raping The Earth, Or Refusing Water To Dying Migrants, Then You Might As Well Believe Bunnies Lay Painted Eggs.