It's Official. Highway Patrolmen Are Not Susceptible

Young Girls Are Obsessed With Having A Thigh Gap. I Blame The Impossible Body Standards Set By Spongebob.

There Hasn't Been A Scandal This Big At The C.i.a. Since (classified) Committed (censored) To (redacted).

You Don't Need The Right Facts If You Have The Right Inflection.

If I Had One Wish, It Would Be For Self-drying Pants. Wait -- No! Unlimited Wishes! How Do I Return These Stupid Pants?!

Opinions Are Like Demo Tapes. I Don't Want To Hear Yours