It's No Fun Being A Specimen.

If I Were Running A Campaign, I'd Urge Taking The Mountain Of Money Reportedly Squandered On Pizza, Coffee And Bagels And Spending It More Wisely - On A Talented Young Comedy Writer.

I Have Never Been Converted To Or Even Had Much Interest In Spiritualism, Occultism, Swedenborgianism Or Any Particular Religion. And I Never, Except Occasionally For A Laugh, Visit The Quacks Who Call Themselves Psychics.

You Can, After All, Reduce The Reasons For Watching Tv To But Two: To Be Lulled, And To Be Stimulated. Some People Do One Sometimes, The Other Sometimes. Some People Do All Of One Or All Of The Other.

I Did Standup While Still Working For Johnny Carson In The Mid-'60s, Thus Gaining The Advantage Of At Least Getting Laughs From Him About How I Hadn't The Night Before.

As Long As People Will Accept Crap, It Will Be Financially Profitable To Dispense It.