It's Like Cuddling With A Butterball Turkey.

This Happened To Me Last Week. We're In The Process Of Remodeling Our House; We've Been Doing It For A While Now. And We Have The Painters In, Putting Sheets Up Around The Furniture, You Know? And We Have A Piano, Just A Regular, Up Against The Wall Piano. One Of The Painters Said To Me, "is That Y'all's Piano?" I Said, "nah, That's Our Coffee Table, It Just Has Buckteeth! Here's Your Sign!

If The Veins In The Back Of Your Legs Look Like The Street Map Of Greater Pittsburgh, You Ain't Nobody's Babydoll.

If You Have More Fish On Your Wall Than Pictures, You Might Be A Redneck.

I'm Very Lucky In That I've Gotten To Do A Lot Of Things. But If You Ever Put A Gun To My Head And Said, "you Can Only Do One," I'd Think It Would Be Stand-up. I Think It's The Coolest Job In The World.

I Turned Down A Movie This Summer Because It Was Nine Weeks In Vancouver And My Oldest Daughter Is 14. I've Got Four More Summers With Her. I'm Not Giving Away Nine Weeks Of Her Summer To Go Do A Silly Movie.