It's Like Cuddling With A Butterball Turkey.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Can't Get Married To Your Sweetheart Because There Is A Law Against It.

You Might Be A Redneck If...the Most Serious Loss From The Earthquake Was Your Conway Twitty Record Collection.

Women In Bed Are Like Diesel Engines. What I Mean By That Is, It May Take Them A While To Get Going, But When You Do, They Can Go For A Long, Long Time. Whereas Men Are Like... Bottle Rockets.

If You Ever Start Feeling Like You Have The Goofiest, Craziest, Most Dysfunctional Family In The World, All You Have To Do Is Go To A State Fair. Because Five Minutes At The Fair, You'll Be Going, 'you Know, We're Alright. We Are Dang Near Royalty.'

Changing A Diaper Is A Lot Like Getting A Present From Your Grandmother - You're Not Sure What You've Got But You're Pretty Sure You're Not Going To Like It.