It's Always Bad News When You Kill

John Kerry Speaks French Fluently. Democrats Are Saying He's One In A Million. A War Hero Who Speaks French, Isn't It More Like One In A Trillion?

A Team Of British Lawyers Has Now Concluded That The Declaration Of Independence Was Illegal, And The American Colonies Had No Right To Secede From England. Well, You Thought Our Court System Was Backed Up.

Scientists In Australia Are Working On Making Biodegradable Car Parts Out Of Hemp. This Might Get Confusing. When Someone Says, Roll Up The Window, They Might Mean, Roll Up The Window!

Bob Dole Revealed He Is One Of The Test Subjects For Viagra. He Said On Larry King, 'i Wish I Had Bought Stock In It.' Only A Republican Would Think The Best Part Of Viagra Is The Fact That You Could Make Money Off Of It.

The Big Story Now Is That President Bush Is Coming Under Attack For His Service In The National Guard. The White House Said, 'no No,' That They Have Payroll Records To Show That He Served In The National Guard. But Today, The Commanding Officers Can't Remember Seeing Bush Between May And October Of '72. President Bush Said, 'remember Me? I'm The Drunk Guy. Remember Me?'