It's A Shame Cars Don't Run On

Glenn Beck Has Nazi Tourettes'.

They've Gotta Stop Reporting Wind Chill. That's Nonsense. It Really Is. I Don't Know Where They Came Up With It, Why They Came Up With It, But It's A Lie. They Come On, "well, It's 27 Degrees Today, But With The Wind Chill, It's Minus 3." Well, Then It's Minus 3, Asshole! I Don't Need To Know What The Weather Was Like If The Conditions Were Perfect!

I Started Playing Golf When I Was A Kid, Because Across The Street From Where We Lived There Was A Little Nine-hole Golf Course Where My Father Worked.

Democrats Should Be Focused On Which Way We Can Help The Most People In This Country, And Republicans Should Be Focused On How To Do That In The Most Fiscally Responsible Manner Possible.

I Think Comics In New York Are Interested In Being Comics. And There're Comics In L.a. Who Are Touring Comics, Who Are Certainly More Interested In Stand-up, But A Lot Of L.a. Stand-ups Are Really Looking To Do Something Else.