It's A Shame Cars Don't Run On

I Believe That Every Paper In The Country Should Have One Headline That When You Read It, You Laugh So Hard You Can't Stand It. It Has To Be That Way. What About A Headline Like This: 'hippo Eats Dwarf'? How Good Is That? You Read That Headline, And You Immediately Close The Paper And Say, 'wow, It's Gonna Be A Great Day.

I Started Playing Golf When I Was A Kid, Because Across The Street From Where We Lived There Was A Little Nine-hole Golf Course Where My Father Worked.

If You're Seeing A Psychiatrist, You're Wasting Money Because All You've Got To Do Is Get On A Plane, Get On A Subway Tomorrow And, Inevitably, You're Going To Be Seated In Front Of Some Guy Who's Playing With Himself, And He'll Be Singing, 'happy Days Are Here Again.' I Tell You - When I See That Guy, I Feel Pretty Good About Myself.

You Are An Adult, And You Can Dress Up Whenever You Want To. You Don't Need Permission Anymore! If You Wake Up Next Tuesday, And You Feel Like Being Batman, Go For It! And Then You Go To Work, And Your Boss Will Look Up And Go "who Are You," And You Can Say: "i Am Batman. That's Who I Am, Who Are You?"

My Parents Were Married For Sixty-five Years, And I Was Married For About Ten Minutes, My First Year At Yale Drama School. Something, Somehow, Didn't Get Passed On To My Generation.