It Is Impossible To Erase My Choices.

I Also Wanted To Ask You If We Can Talk To The Erudite You're Keeping Safe Here," I Say. "i Know They're Hidden, But I Need Access To Them." "and What Do You Intend To Do?" She Says. "shoot Them," I Say, Rolling My Eyes. "that Isn't Funny.

I Watch Her Blond Head Until It Disappears Around The Bend, And I Feel Bare, Like There's Nothing Left To Protect Me Against Pain. Her Absence Stings Worst Of All.

At Home I Used To Spend Calm, Pleasant Nights With My Family. My Mother Knit Scarves For The Neighborhood Kids. My Father Helped Caleb With His Homework. There Was A Fire In The Fireplace And Peace In My Heart, As I Was Doing Exactly What I Was Supposed To Be Doing, And Everything Was Quiet. I Have Never Been Carried Around By A Large Boy, Or Laughed Until My Stomach Hurt At The Dinner Table, Or Listened To The Clamor Of A Hundred People All Talking At Once. Peace Is Restrained; This Is Free.

I Keep Finding Myself Stifled By The Company Of Others And Then Crippled By Loneliness When I Leave Them. I Am Terrified And I Don't Even Know Of What, Because I Have Lost Everything Already.

In Some Parts Of The Ancient World, The Hawk Symbolized The Sun. Back When I Got This, I Figured If I Always Had The Sun On Me, I Wouldn't Be Afraid Of The Dark