In A New Interview, The President Discussed

Congrats To Prince William And Kate Middleton, Who Welcomed A Baby Girl On Saturday. The Royal Baby Weighed Eight Pounds - Or Around 12 American Dollars.

A Major Iowa Newspaper Published An Op-ed Against Trump Calling Him A 'self-absorbed, Wholly Unqualified Feckless Blowhard.' Or As Trump Put It, 'you Forgot Very Rich ... I'm A Very Rich, Self-absorbed, Wholly Unqualified Feckless Blowhard. Very, Very Rich.'

President Obama Spent Election Day Away From Any Press Coverage, Attending Closed-door Meetings Inside The White House. But On The Bright Side, It Is Nice To See Some Doors Actually Closed At The White House. It's A Whole New Secret Service Security Thing.

People Ask Me, Jimmy, Howd You Get Here Tonight. Lets Just Say It Involved A Two-hour Make-out Session With Elaine Stritch. It Got Pretty Heavy Actually, I Almost Had To Host.

Today, President Obama Finally Met With Bp's Ceo, Tony Hayward, But The Meeting Was Only Scheduled 20 Minutes. Call Me Crazy, But I Think It Should Take More Time To Discuss An Oil Spill Than It Does To Get Your Oil Checked.