In A New Interview, Herman Cain Said

I Didn't Think It Was Going To Be This Fun. But Everything Just Gets Heightened When You Have A Baby. The Volume Gets Turned Up On Life. I Never Knew I Could Be This Happy, And That's The Truth.

I Haven't Been On A Date In Awhile. I Went On Maybe Two Dates In My Whole Life.

Rand Paul Is Taking A Week-long Break From Talking To The Media To Spend Time With His Family Before He Officially Announces That He Is Running For President. Because Nothing Motivates You To Be On The Road For Two Straight Years Like A Week Alone With Your Family.

Apple Is Developing A Service Called Home Kit That Will Allow People To Operate Gadgets Like Garage Openers And Thermostats Through One App. In Related News, Please Don't Tell My Parents About This. I Can't Be Explaining This Stuff Every Week.

Another Scandal For Hillary Clinton - They're Saying She Used A Private Email Address When She Was Secretary Of State, Which Means The Government Couldn't Archive And Preserve Her Emails. Then Obama Said, 'don't Worry, We Saw Them. We See Everyone's Emails.'