I'm Old Enough And Cranky Enough Now

Yeah I Flirt, I'm Not Blind And I'm Not Dead!.

I've Done Everything Every Fat Person Ever Has. I've Tried Every Diet.

I Wear Wigs All The Time On Shows, And Every Day When I'm In Public, At Dollywood. People Say, 'how Many Wigs Do You Have?' And I Say, 'well, At Least 365 Because I Wear At Least One A Day.'

If Teardrops Were Pennies And Heartaches Were Gold, I'd Have All The Treasures My Pockets Could Hold.

I've Been Around Longer Than Most Of My Fans Have Been Alive.