I'm Okay With It Now That Obama’s

Attorney General John Ashcroft Is In Intensive Care. He's Suffering From A Severe Case Of Pancreatitis, Which They Can't Really Figure Out Because He's Not Really A Drinker. They Think He Might Have Picked Up Some Type Of Infection While Wiping His Ass With The Bill Of Rights.

Can We Go Back To Using Facebook For What It Was Originally For - Looking Up Exes To See How Fat They Got?

We Have Been The Cowards Lobbing Cruise Missiles From 2,000 Miles Away. That's Cowardly. Staying In The Airplane When It Hits The Building, Say What You Want About It, It's Not Cowardly.

Anything Is Depressing If You Dwell On It. The Fact That Religion Could End The World? Yeah, I Guess That Could Be Considered Depressing. But Considering That There's Also A Lot To Laugh At, I Think It's A Good Balance.

Ronald Reagan Basically Legalized Every Illegal Immigrant In This Country. I Just Like To Bring This Up Because Every Week I Like To Make Republican Heads Explode About How They Love Ronald Reagan, But Would Despise Everything He Did.