I'm Not That Good Looking... Nobody Is

If You’re Looking For A Spiritual Allegory In The Style Of C.s. Lewis, I Guess You Could Piece Something Together With Lorne Michaels As A Symbol For God And My Struggles With Hair Removal As A Metaphor For Virtue

If A Bout Of "creepy Face" Sets In, The Trick Is To Look Away From The Camera Between Shots And Turn Back Only When Necessary. This Also Limits How Much Of Your Soul The Camera Can Steal.

President Bush Gave A Rousing Speech To The United Nations General Assembly. Afterward, In A Touching Show Of Support, Every Foreign Dignitary Shook Hands With The President And Smiled Warmly As He Mispronounced Their Names.

I Don't Enjoy Any Kind Of Danger Or Volatility. I Don't Have That Kind Of 'i Love The Bad Guys' Thing. No, No Thank You. I Like Nice People.

I Am Going To Dedicate Myself, Full Time, To My Day-drinking.