I'm Not Saying That Mcdonald's Gift Certificates

I'm A Big Eater. I Mean, A Lot Of My Stand-up Is About Food, And You Write About What You Know, And That's The Only Thing I Know. I Don't Know Anything Else.

Well My Chocolate Is So Good I Could Sell It In An Obnoxious Prism Shape.

I Don't Want People To Think I Believe In God.

After You Eat A Hot Pocket, Everything Will Taste Like Rubber For A Month!

Actually, The Reason I Look Like This Is Because My Father Was From Sweden And My Mother Was Elton John.