I'm Not Going To Vacuum 'til Sears

My Daughter Made Me A Jerry Springer-watching Kit, With Crackers, Cheez Whiz, Polyester Stretch Pants And A T-shirt With Two Fat Women Fighting Over A Skinny Guy.

I Had One Kid With The Birth Control Pill, I Had One With The Diaphram And I Had One With The I.u.d. I Don't Even Know What Happened With My I.u.d. It Never Came Out. But I Have My Suspicions Because That Kid Picks Up Hbo.

Experts Say You Should Never Hit Your Children In Anger. When Is A Good Time? When You're Feeling Festive?

Nobody Wanted The "roseanne" Show. I Heard From Agents That There Was No Interest In A Show About A Fat Woman And Her Family.

Everything On This Earth Right Now Is About Labor And Slavery. War Is The Only American Export Left That Anyone Wants To Buy.