I'm An Environmentalist. Most Of My Jokes

Now In Utah If You Get The Death Sentence, They Have The Firing Squad. In Russia, They Call That Early Retirement.

Let's Have Some Wine, Go Upstairs, And Look At My Money.

Today Is The Anniversary Of The Gettysburg Address. President Lincoln Wrote It On His Way To The Site Of The Speech On The Back Of An Envelope. One Guy On The Back Of An Envelope Wrote The Great Gettysburg Address - While Every Night It Takes Six Guys To Write This Crap!

I'll Be Honest With You. It's Beginning To Look Like I'm Not Going To Get 'the Tonight Show.'

John Kerry Told Tom Ridge He Was Too Busy To Receive A Homeland Security Briefing. I Thought That Was Odd, Since You're Not Supposed To Ignore Terrorist Threats Until After You Become President.