[i'm] Almost Positive There Is No God.

I Was Going To Get An Abortion The Other Day. I Totally Wanted An Abortion. And It Turns Out I Was Just Thirsty.

I'm Doing Stuff On Kaballah And Scientology And A Little Bit More Racial Stuff, For Good Measure.

Women Don't Ask To Be Raped, But There Are Some That Are Asking To Be Motorboated

She, Uh, Came Out Of The Closet Recently, My Niece. Um... She Announced To The Family That She's A Lesbian And... She's Seven, Did I Mention That? And, Uh, I Don't Even Know If She Knows What A Lesbian Is, But I Support Her Completely. And, Uh... I'll Tell You What's Heartbreaking. My Sister Punished Her For It. Can You Believe That? No Pussy For A Week. Which To Us May Not Sound Like... But When You're Seven, You Know, A Week Is A Long Time.

Drew Friedman Isn't Just A Brilliant Artist. He Takes You To A Place. He Takes You Back In Time. He Makes You Smell The Stale Cigarettes And Cold Brisket And You Say, Thank You For The Pleasure.