I'm A Wiseass And A Smartass, And

This Will Be Michelle Obama's Last Opportunity To Try To Get Me To Eat Kale.

You Know, Barack Obama The Last Ten Days Was Traveling Overseas Campaigning In Europe And Everywhere. It Was So Successful, Campaigning Abroad, That He Is Actually Thinking About Campaigning Here In The United States.

A Lot Of People Think I'm Retiring, But I've Been Telling A Fib. I've Been Forced To Leave This Job Because I Gave $75,000 To The Clinton Foundation.

Let's Stop For A Moment To Admire The Rotating Pies.

Osama Bin Laden Was Living In That Compound With Three Wives. It's Like He Was Newt Gingrich.