I'm A Huge Kevin Youkilis Fan.

If You Want A Long-term Relationship That Doesn't Require A Lot Of Work, I Say, Get A Dog. They Love You No Matter What. But When It Comes To Humans, There's No Secret; You Really Have To Appreciate The Person Every Single Day.

Stand-up Comedy And Comedy In General Is The Ultimate Form Of Free Speech, Because You Get To Poke Holes In All The Pretentious Bubbles Politicians And Pundits And Popes And Pretenders Try To Float Over Our Heads.

Once People Start To Think They've Wasted Parts Of Their Life, Or They're Wasting Their Life As They Speak, That Means There's Going To Be Great Dramatic And Comedic Tension.

I Eat Meat Because Meat Tastes Like Murder, And Murder Tastes Pretty Dam Good!

I'd Love To Play In A Red Sox Game. It Would Be So Awesome To Actually Walk Out On The Field And Play, Just For One Inning. I'd Also Steal Everything I Could Get My Hands On In The Clubhouse, Which Is Why They Won't Let Me Do It.