If You Want Success, Figure Out The

Nothing Defines Humans Better Than Their Willingness To Do Irrational Things In The Pursuit Of Phenomenally Unlikely Payoffs. This Is The Principle Behind Lotteries, Dating, And Religion.

If You Haven't Already Told Your Kids 'don't Fellate The President' Then You're Probably A Bad Parent.

Caring About The Quality Of Your Work Causes Stress. Stress Can Kill You. Maintain Good Health By Remembering That The Stockholders Are Complete Strangers Who Have Never Done Anything For You.

The Children Are Our Future. And That Is Why, Ultimately, We're Screwed Unless We Do Something About It. If You Haven't Noticed, The Children Who Are Our Future Are Good-looking, But They Aren't All That Bright. As Dense As They Might Be, They Will Eventually Notice That Adults Have Spent All The Money, Spread Disease, And Turned The Planet Into A Smoky, Filthy Ball Of Death. We're Raising An Entire Generation Of Dumb, Pissed-off Kids Who Know Where The Handguns Are Kept. This Is Not A Good Recipe For A Happy Future.

Good Ideas Have No Value Because The World Already Has Too Many Of Them. The Market Rewards Execution, Not Ideas.