If You Resolve To Give Up Smoking,

There's No Law That Decrees When Not To Whinge, But You Reach A Certain Age - 80 Seems About Right - When You're Expected To Manifest Querulousness - The Coffee's Too Hot, The Boiled Egg's Too Soft.

If You Resolve To Give Up Smoking, Drinking And Loving, You Don't Actually Live Longer; It Just Seems Longer.

I've Known Nicholas Parsons For A Fairly Long Time And His Geniune Pleasures Are In Rubber Tubes, Metal Clips

Congealed Fat Is Pretty Much The Same, Irrespective Of The Delicacy Around Which It Is Concealed.

I Think Our Police Are Excellent, Probably Because I Have Not Done Anything That Has Occasioned Being Beaten Up By These Good Men.