If You Quit Being Cunty, The Whole

I Learned That People In Wheelchairs Are Allowed To Have Marathons … Which, To Me, Seems Like Cheating, But What Are You Gonna Say?

Don't Tell Girls They Can Be Anything They Want When They Grow Up. Because It Would Have Never Occurred To Them That They Couldn't. It's Like Saying, 'hey, When You Get In The Shower, I'm Not Gonna Read Your Diary.' 'wait--are You Gonna Read My Diary?' 'no! I Said I'm Not Gonna Read Your Diary. Go Take A Shower!'

I Don't Want To Be A Facilitator For Other Funny People. It Doesn't Seem Smart For Me To Be In A Comedy And Not Be Funny. My Spirit Can't Take It.

My Dad Was A Bedwetter; I Think His Dad Was A Bedwetter. I Like To Talk About It Because It's Something That I Thought Would Be My Deepest, Darkest Secret My Whole Life, And Then You Become An Adult, And It's Not.

People Are Always Introducing Me As Sarah Silverman, Jewish Comedienne. I Hate That! I Wish People Would See Me For Who I Really Am — I'm White!