If You Don't Vote, You're A Moron.

I Had Lived In Fear Of The Fabled Terrifying Visions That Assail Chronic Drinkers, But Which Had Not Yet Attacked Me.

It's Very Interesting To Know What People Are Doing While You're Working On Late-night Television.

Don't Hit Women. Never, Ever, Ever.

Confession Is A Sacred Rite Enhanced By Allegory, Exaggeration, And Lies.

In The Past I've Been Hard On The Vegans. I've Called Them Prius-driving Fascists, But Now I Am One Of Them. I Have Been Turned To The Dark Side.