If We Lose Our Phones, We Lose

Everybody Always Resolves To Start Exercising, But They Never Do. You Know Why ? Because It's January. Who Wants To Go Jogging In The Freezing Cold ?

I Cannot Imagine Not Going Home To Animals. They Are The Closest Thing To God. They Don't Harbour Resentment.

I Have The Worst Memory Ever So No Matter Who Comes Up To Me - They're Just, Like, 'i Can't Believe You Don't Remember Me!" I'm Like, 'oh Dad I'm Sorry!

I Was Coming Home From Kindergarten - Well They Told Me It Was Kindergarten. I Found Out Later I Had Been Working In A Factory For Ten Years. It's Good For A Kid To Know How To Make Gloves.

I Put A Basketball In Front Of George Clooney's Door And Sprayed It With Supermodel Perfume To Lure Him Out.