If There Isn't A Parking Space Out

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin Pardoned A Turkey, Though She Said She Was Amazed To Find Out That, Besides Being A Bird, Turkey Is Also A Country. Did You See That All Over The Internet Today? While Sarah Palin Was Pardoning A Turkey, Right Behind Her Was A Guy Slaughtering Turkeys. But, See, Like Most Internet Stories, A Little Half-true. Turns Out That, After A Couple Of Minutes Listening To Sarah Palin's Voice, The Turkeys Said 'kill Us Now.'

John Kerry Said Today That He Wants To Get Rid Of Tax Cuts For The Rich And His Wife Said, 'hey, Shut Up! What's The Matter With You?! Are You Nuts?!'

Jesse Jackson's Wife Was Arrested In Puerto Rico While Protesting The Naval Bombings There. Jesse Said He Was Holding A Meeting With Four Of His Secretaries To Decide What To Do And That These Meetings Could Run Well Into The Night.

Stephen Hawking Is Getting A Divorce. That's Scary. If The Smartest Guy In The World Can't Figure Out Women, We're Screwed.

The White House Softball Team Played The Pro-marijuana Lobbyists' Team And Lost 25-3. Still No Word Yet On Which Side President Obama Played For.