If Someone Ever Says You’re Weird, Say

No, We Can't Be Friends. You're My Mom. You're What I Talk To My Friends About.

I Don't Want To Take A Pill. Go To Africa, Go Follow Some Bushman Around. He's Being Chased By A Lion. That's Stress. You're Not Going To Find A Pygmy On Paxil, I'll Tell You That Right Now.

I Have The Picture Of Barack [obama] And Me Dancing Right Outside Of My Dressing Room Door, I See It Every Single Day, And It Makes Me Very Happy.

You're Never Too Old To Play. You're Only Too Old For Low-rise Jeans.

I've Been Trying To Find Women Writers For My Staff For A While Now And I Have Three Women On My Staff And Three Guys So It's Pretty Equal. I Don't Know Why That Is. It's Been The Same Thing For A While. It's Hard For Female Comedians To Stand Out. That's Weird. That's A Shame.