If John Mccain Were Really A War

The Only Women I Publicly Date Are Those Who Have A Higher Imdb Rating Than Me.

I've Always Preferred Marvel Over Dc. I Just Relate To Their Characters Better. I Mean Look At Wolverine, At First He Was Just A Bit Player In An Ensemble Cast. Now He's The Only Reason People Read X-men. Just Like Me And Scrubs.

Compared To My Talents, Whoopi Goldberg Is Like One Of Those Fake Plastic Buddhas You Get At Dollar Stores. I Mean Really, I Fail To See The Humor In An Overweight Negro Woman With Dreadlocks, No Eyebrows, And Is Named After A Childish Term For Flatulence.

It's Always Weird Being The Only White Person In A Group. It Feels Like Everyone's Looking To Me For Guidance.

First I Took A Crap On The Hooker's Chest, Then I Told Her I'd Pay Her A Thousand Dollars To Eat It. She Was Addicted To Crack, So Of Course She Did It. It Was So Gross, Though, It Made Her Throw Up, So I Said I'd Pay Her Another Thousand To Lick All That Up, Too. She Started To, But For Some Reason She Started Crying As She Was Doing It, Saying, 'i Went To College! I Have A Degree!' Oh Man, It Was Hilarious. I Don't Know If It Was Technically Sex Because I Just Beat Off On Her Face, But Definitely One Of My Most Intense Orgasms.