If I Put Myself On The Ballot

You Have To Love Your Country Like An Adult Loves Somebody, Not Like A Child Loves Its Mommy. And Right-wing Republicans Tend To Love America Like A Child Loves Its Mommy, Where Everything Mommy Does Is Okay. But Adult Love Means You’re Not In Denial, And You Want The Loved One To Be The Best They Can Be.

During Vietnam, I Was In College, Enjoying My Student Deferment. The Government Wisely Felt That, In My Case, Military Service Was Less Important Than Completing My Studies To Prepare Me For My Chosen Career: Comedian.

Terrorism, To Me, Is The Use Of Terror For Political Purpose, And Terror Is Indiscriminate Murder Of Civilians To Make A Political Point.

I'm A Perfectionist And If I Start Making Changes, I'll Never Stop.

At 'snl,' I Wrote Political Stuff, But I Never Felt The Show Should Have An Axe To Grind. But When I Left In '95, I Could Let My Own Beliefs Out.