If God Had Wanted Us To Vote,

Scientists Think They Can Now Clone An All-white Zebra. Now, I'm No Expert, But Isn't That A Horse?

President Bush Announced A Major New Plan For The United States To Put A Man On The Moon, Which Would Be A Really Big Story If This Were 1962. Bush Said He Didn't Remember Anything About The 60's - I Guess He Wasn't Lying.

A Libyan Rebel Has Admitted To Killing Moammar Gadhafi. He Said He Shot Gadhafi Twice In The Temple, To Which Michele Bachmann Said, "i Didn't Even Know The Guy Was Jewish.

Congratulations To President Obama On Being Reelected President Of The United States. Turns Out It Is Not All Bad News For The Republicans. It Seems That Depression Is Covered By Obamacare.

The Nation's Largest Savings And Loan, Washington Mutual, Has Become The Biggest Bank Failure In History. See, The Problem With The Savings And Loans? Not Enough Savings, Too Many Stupid Loans, Okay In Fact, They Changed Their Name From Wamu To 'screw You.'