I Would Rather Smoke One Cigar Than

If The Bible And My Brain Are Both The Work Of The Same Infinite God, Whose Fault Is It That The Book And My Brain Do Not Agree?

According To The Celestial Multiplication Table, Once One Is Three, And Three Times One Is One, And According To Heavenly Subtraction If We Take Two From Three, Three Are Left. The Addition Is Equally Peculiar, If We Add Two To One We Have But One. Each One Is Equal To Himself And The Other Two.

I Would Not For My Life Destroy One Star Of Human Hope, But I Want It So That When A Poor Woman Rocks The Cradle And Sings A Lullaby To The Dimpled Darling, She Will Not Be Compelled To Believe That Ninety-nine Chances In A Hundred She Is Raising Kindling Wood For Hell.

They Say: Belief Is Important. I Say: No, Actions Are Important. Judge By Deed, Not By Creed.

I Believe In The Religion Of Reason -- The Gospel Of This World; In The Development Of The Mind, In The Accumulation Of Intellectual Wealth, To The End That Man May Free Himself From Superstitious Fear, To The End That He May Take Advantage Of The Forces Of Nature To Feed And Clothe The World.