I Wish I Had Taken Spanish Instead

I Stood On Susan Boone's Front Porch, Feeling Lame. But Then, Since I've Pretty Much Felt Lame My Entire Life, This Was No Big Surprise. On The Other Hand, Usually I Felt Lame For No Particular Reason. This Time I Really Had A Reason To Feel Lame.

But I Guess You Would Look Beatific, Too, If The Man You Had Been In Love With Since The Fifth Grade Had Told You That He Was In Love With You, Too.

Oh My God. I Thought I Was Going To Have An Aneurysm Right There In Line. Your Hair Smells Really Good? Your Hair Smells Really Good? Who Did He Think He Was? James Bond? You Don't Tell Someone Their Hair Smells Good. Not In A Mall.

I've Come To The Conclusion That, Aside From Nazis, The Taliban, And Possibly The Honey Badger, There Is No One On The Planet More Merciless Than A Teenage Girl Once She's Decided She Dislikes You.

There Is A Difference Between Listening And Hearing, Just As There Is A Difference Between Seeing And Knowing.