I Was A Stonehead For 30 Years.

With Humans It's Abortion, But With Chickens It's An Omelet.

I Think The Warning Labels On Alcoholic Beverages Are Too Bland. They Should Be More Vivid. Here Are A Few I Would Suggest: "alcohol Will Turn You Into The Same Asshole Your Father Was."; "drinking Will Significantly Improve Your Chances Of Murdering A Loved One."; "if You Drink Long Enough, At Some Point You Will Vomit Up The Lining Of Your Stomach."; "use This Product And You May Wake Up In Morocco Wearing A Cowboy Suit And Tongue-kissing A Transmission Salesman."

If God Created Everything, He's Got A Serious Quality Control Problem.

I Was Looking In The Mirror The Other Day And I Realized I Haven't Changed Much Since I Was In My Twenties. The Only Difference Is I Look A Whole Lot Older Now.

Religion Has What Is Easily The Greatest Bullshit Story Of All Time.