I Was A Dog In A Past

I Was A Dog In A Past Life. Really. I'll Be Walking Down The Street And Dogs Will Do A Sort Of Double Take. Like, Hey, I Know Him.

If I Had My Choice, I Would Do The Same Little Independent Films, But They Would Have $100 Million Budgets, So I Could Get Paid A Fortune And Hang Out In A Huge Trailer.

I Have Been Working Out For 30 Years, Staying In Shape In The Dream That Someday I Would Get To Play A Sex Scene. Finally I Get One, And They Cut It.

A Favorite Cast? Lisa Kudrow, Anthony Hopkins, Gene Hackman, Morgan Freeman, And My Wife.

It's Hard To Be Depressed Around A Ukulele. You Just Pick It Up And You're Halfway Home.