I Used To Be A Hot-tar Roofer.

Stand-up Is An Art But Since It's Humor And It's Funny - A Lot Of Guys That Don't Think It's Art Are Probably Coming From The Angle That They Don't Want To Take It So Seriously. I've Always Looked At It As An Art But I Don't Look At It As A Pretentious Art. I Understand It Has To Be Taken Lightly Because It Is Just Comedy In The End, But The Good Stand-up Comics Are Someone With Something To Say.

Every Mcdonald's Commercial Ends The Same Way: Prices And Participation May Vary. I Wanna Open A Mcdonald's And Not Participate In Anything. I Wanna Be A Stubborn Mcdonald's Owner. "cheeseburgers?" "nope! We Got Spaghetti, And Blankets."

Every Time I Walk By A Spy Shop, I Think That I Need To Put Some Surveillance On Somebody. Rick's Been Acting Fishy! I Need To Buy A Safe That Looks Like A Spray 'n Wash Can. "hey, Mitch, Can I Use The Spray 'n Wash?" "yeah, If You Want To Spray Your Shirt With Documents!"

I Went To A Record Store, They Said They Specialized In Hard-to-find Records. Nothing Was Alphabetized!

That's Always Disappointed Me, To See A Guy In The Crowd Who Doesn't Look Like He's Having Fun But In General If You Just Listen To The Crowd It Sounds Like They're Having Fun. So I Don't Want To Focus On The One Guy Who's Not Having Fun. And By Closing My Eyes And Just Listening, I Can't Hear That He's Not Laughing But I Can See That He's Not Laughing.