I Tried, It Was Hard, I Quit,

I Still Believe In The Holy Trinity, Except Now It's Target, Trader Joe's, And Ikea.

I've Always Been Able To Cook Italian Food. That's In My Blood Because I'm Half Sicilian.

Owning A Dog Is Slightly Less Expensive Than Being Addicted To Crack.

I've Determined The Ideal Job For Me Is One Where I Can Write Clever Essays About My Life And My Employer Will Give Me Enough Money Not Only To Live A Comfortable Existence, But Also To Buy Many, Many New Pairs Of Shoes.

Expressing Political Opinion Can Be A Powerful Way To Establish A Character's Voice When Writing Fiction.