I Tried, It Was Hard, I Quit,

Although I Get A Lot Of Specialty Services Like Wraps, Scrubs, And Mustache Removal, My Favorite Is The Simple Manicure/pedicure. They Work On Your Hands And Feet At The Same Time While You Sit In A Vibrating Chair. I Call It The Sorority Girls Version Of A Threesome.

I Believe That I Have Such A Vanilla Life.

I Don't Mean To Get All Religious Here, But I'm Pretty Sure Key Lime Martinis (with A Graham Cracker & Sugar Rim) Are Proof That Jesus Loves Us.

I’m Instantly Mortified By My Fat, Uncontrollable Mouth, But That’s When It Occurs To Me That My Humor Is A Self-defense Mechanism. Even Though I May Come Off Like A Stark Raving Asshat, Being Funny Is The Most Important Tool I Have To Stay Sane. The Ability To Say What I Think Is The Key To Allowing Me To Feel In Control.

I Yearn To Be A Woman Of More Depth, But I'm Not So Fond Of The Path I'd Need To Follow To Get There.