I Think Being Funny Is Not Anyone's

There Are Three Things Jewish People Worship-god, Chinese Food And Wall-to-wall Carpeting.

There Are Worse Things In Life Than Death. Have You Ever Spent An Evening With An Insurance Salesman?

Life Doesn't Imitate Art, It Imitates Bad Television.

I Will Not Eat Oysters. I Want My Food Dead - Not Sick, Not Wounded - Dead.

Twenty-one Years Ago, When I First Heard Mia Farrow Had Accused Me Of Child Molestation, I Found The Idea So Ludicrous I Didn't Give It A Second Thought. We Were Involved In A Terribly Acrimonious Breakup, With Great Enmity Between Us And A Custody Battle Slowly Gathering Energy. The Self-serving Transparency Of Her Malevolence Seemed So Obvious I Didn't Even Hire A Lawyer To Defend Myself. It Was My Show Business Attorney Who Told Me She Was Bringing The Accusation To The Police And I Would Need A Criminal Lawyer.