I Spilled Some Vodka On The Carpet,

I Think We Should Only Get 3 Honks A Month On The Car Horn. Then, Someone Cuts You Off, You Press The Horn, And Nothing Happens. You're Like, "crap! I Wish I Hadn't Seen Ricky On The Sidewalk!"

I Was At This Casino Minding My Own Business, And This Guy Came Up To Me And Said, 'you're Gonna Have To Move, You're Blocking A Fire Exit.' As Though If There Was A Fire, I Wasn't Gonna Run. If You're Flammible And Have Legs, You Are Never Blocking A Fire Exit.

I Saw A Seagull Hanging Out By A Lake, But I Said, "don't Worry, Dude. I Won't Say Anything."

Alcoholism Is The Only Disease That You Can Get Yelled At For Having.

The Kit Kat Candy Bar Has The Name Kit Kat Imprinted Into The Chocolate. That Robs You Of Chocolate! That's A Clever Chocolate-saving Technique.