I Spent All Night Feeding The Homeless

When My Girlfriend Cooks Dinner, I'm Happy To Do The Dishes. Because I Make Her Wash Dishes When I Take Her To A Restaurant.

My Favorite Part Of Going To A Wedding Is Ruining The Wedding.

My First Time On Stage Was The Class "graduation" At The Comedy Store. It Was Awesome. Everything Got Huge Laughs And I Just Thought I Knew How To Do Comedy.

On Twitter, When Someone Would Die, I Would Write A Joke. Or If There's A Tragedy, I Would Write A Joke And Tweet It. That Was My Thing, And Then At A Certain Point, People Started Demanding It.

The Opposite Of Sad Is Down's Syndrome.