I Spent All Night Feeding The Homeless

My Girlfriend Makes Me Want To Be A Better Person... So I Can Get A Better Girlfriend.

Todd Glass Has Amazing Energy On Stage. Dave Attell Is One Of My Favorites Because He's A One Liner Comic Who Is Always Incredibly In The Moment With The Audience. As For Newer People, I Think Adrienne Iapalucci Writes Some Great, Dark Jokes And Sean Patton Has A Hilarious Voice On Stage.

The Best Way To Break Up With A Girl Is Like I'm Taking Off A Band-aid. Slowly And In The Shower.

The First Time I Had Sex, I Didn't Know What I Was Doing. It Was A Relief When The Whole Thing Was Over After Just 45 Minutes.

It's Impossible For Me To Hear The Words Quadruple Murder Suicide Without Thinking Of My Grandparents.