I Really Like Just Super Dry Comedy.

If I Had A Billion Dollars I Would...oh Wait...already Do.

I Was Stuck In Traffic One Day And Just Kinda Thought It Would Be Funny To Masturbate. It Was Sunny And Clear Out, So I Was Worried One Of The Other Drivers Would See Me, But My Jeep Is Pretty High Off The Ground, So I Think No One Noticed. I Busted A Nut And Aimed It Down, Ruining My Tweety Bird Floor Mat. I Felt Kinda Stupid After And My Mom Kept Silent The Rest Of The Drive Home. It Was Awkward And I Regret It.

Eight Gold Medals? If I Wanted I Could Make A Movie About Me Winning Nine Gold Medals. Now That's Real Power.

That Cyclone In Burma? That Was Just Me Doing The Dance To That Annoying Ass Song.

Of Course Killing People Is 'wrong', But I Think History Shows That Sometimes It Serves The Greater Good.