I Read To My Kid, But I

A Lot Of Critics Object To What I Do, But I Got Into Comedy To Make People Laugh, And I've Always Worked Hard.

When I Do Stand-up Shows At Colleges, Girls Will Talk To Me After The Show, And That Always Feels Good. I Like Talking To Them.

If It's Something I Feel I Can Do Alright, I Like Being In Those, And Some That I Think Rob Schneider And David Spade Would Be Funnier At Than Me, I Tell Them To Do It. I Don't Have Any Clue How We Decide. There's This Thing, This "click", Actually, One Of My Friends Called Me Up, My Partner Told Me About This Idea That Steve Koren Had. Steve Koren, By The Way, The Guy Who Wrote It With Mark O'keefe, Steve Koren I've Known Since I Was 22. He Was A Page At Saturday Night Live.

I've Got A Hockey Record, I Took Off My Skate And Tried To Stab A Guy, I'm The Only Person Who Ever Tried That.

Well I Have A Microphone And You Don't So You Will Listen To Every Damn Word I Have To Say!