I Prefer Being Totally Sober Myself.

Aren't You Scared Your Kid's Getting Kidnapped...right Now?

Everyone Steals. My Favorite Movie Is Love Don't Cost A Thing With Nick Cannon. Which Is Based On Can't Buy Me Love, Which Is Based On Kramer Vs. Kramer, Or Something, Which I Think Was Shakespeare.

The Four Sweetest Words In The English Language — 'you Wore Me Down.'

Maybe That's Why I Don't Like Religion Because The First Introduction To It Was, You Don't Get To Do That Thing You Just Discovered That You Really Enjoy.

With Stand-up, It's More Interesting To Hear About People's Failures Than Their Successes.