I’m Going To Be Mentally Ill In

How Many Times Had I Let Myself Connect With Someone Only To Have It Thrown Back In My Face?

I Tried Getting My Dad To Buy Me A Beeper For My Birthday,” He Says, “but He Thinks Only Doctors And Drug Dealers Need Them.

I Could Picture Life—school And Everything Else—continuing On Without Me. But I Could Not Picture My Funeral. Not At All. Mostly Because I Couldn’t Imagine Who Would Attend Or What They Would Say.

This Time, For The First Time, I Saw The Possibilities In Giving Up. I Even Found Hope In It.

Half Of Them Kept Repeating My Name, Trying To Get It Right, While The Other Half Laughed. But They Were Harmless. Fun Drunks Make A Nice Addition To Any Party: Not Looking To Fight. Not Looking To Score. Just Looking To Get Drunk And Laugh. I Remember Those Guys. Like The Mascots Of The Party. "clay! Whatcha Doon Here? Bah-ha-ha-ha!